Way Too Early Evaluation of College Football

This season of college football has been everything the world expected, but is that a good thing? We are coming up on Week 4 of College Football and here’s what we know so far; Alabama is doing a great job dominating a cupcake schedule, BIG Ten is overrated, BIG 12 still doesn’t know what defense is, Notre Dame isn’t that good, and Clemson is probably going to get upset by a weaker opponent. I know I sound like a pessimistic asshole, but I call it how I see it. No one outside of Notre Dame, LSU, Stanford, Auburn, Georgia (I guess), and Ohio State has beaten “a ranked opponent”. Now I am talking about your top ten teams in the country have beaten an overrated Michigan team, Miami who still doesn’t have a quarterback, a down PAC-12, an over-hyped South Carolina, and a young TCU team with a freshman quarterback.

Don’t worry ladies and gentlemen, Alabama hasn’t lost to anyone on their high school football schedule. I know people are going to read this and say, “Well they are always the best team in the country, they always win!” First off let’s talk facts, since 2007 when Nick Saban took over Alabama they’ve played two true non-conference road games (2011 at Penn State, 2010 at Duke). Now for SEC fans, I’ll break down what a non-conference road game is because since the College Football Playoff era you guys have played a total of 34, they might not be too familiar. So that’s when a team goes on the road and it’s not a conference team, but you play against a team from another power 5 conference and crazy enough it’s not at a neutral field. Weird shit right. Don’t worry guys, we see you dominating those FCS opponents. Bold prediction: Alabama beats the hell out of everyone and plays a close game against Georgia in the SEC Championship. Doesn’t matter who wins, committee loves the SEC, both get in. Tua is the truth though, thank God Saban has the balls to look at someone who took you to the National Championship twice and say, “Ride the pine”.

jalen hurts

I was one of the people high on the BIG Ten this year, I must’ve been really high thinking that. Please media, stop giving Harbaugh attention. They aren’t good, he’s probably going to leave, move on. Penn State without Saquon Barkley has literally made fans sweat against App State, slow start to Pittsburgh, and finally a blowout to the juggernaut of the MAC, Kent State. Michigan State to put it simply even I bet they would lose to Arizona State and I am a Big Ten homer. Wisconsin is well, Wisconsin, boring ass football. Ohio State tore apart there first two opponents and then let a young TCU team hang around until the second half. With their toughest game coming in a week at Happy Valley where they will be Penn State’s national championship and super bowl all wrapped up into one. I still think they win the BIG Ten in convincing fashion. Haskins is the best “actual” quarterback ever at Ohio State, crazy enough that’s not hard to beat.

haskins

The BIG 12 is off to a glorious start. Texas loses to a team without their head coach, probably going to be at the bottom of the BIG Ten this year, and just got their ass kicked at home by Temple, but don’t worry they beat up USC who has a freshman QB post-Sam Darnold era. Texas is back though! TCU doesn’t look bad, granted they should’ve been blown out against Ohio State, but referees gave a lot of favorable calls to the Frogs probably to show their public support against domestic violence. I really don’t feel like breaking down the BIG 12 because outside of the state of Oklahoma the conference is irrelevant. Bold prediction: Oklahoma and Oklahoma State is going to be the no defense shootout we are all hoping for ending in a 96-83 win for the Sooners (no I am not talking about basketball either). Kyler Murray tears apart the BIG 12 guiding the Sooners to a first-round knockout in the playoffs and a pat on the back for their participation.

KylerMurray-610x354

Let’s talk about one of the most historic programs in the country, Notre Dame. When I mention historic that’s exactly what they are, historic. After a convincing win against a god-awful Michigan team that looked like a high school football team, I thought to myself, “Hey Notre Dame might be relevant this year.” Then they played Ball State and Vandy where they were a double-digit favorite in the home that Jesus himself built. What did I get? Games where I was pissed I didn’t bet the underdog on massive spreads. This week they go on the road and play a Wake Forest team, then host Stanford, and after getting to go on the road to Hokie town. Needless to say, I am betting against Notre Dame the next three weeks. My Notre Dame prediction is Bob Stoops’ phone is going to be off the hook at the end of the season, begging him to come to coach the prestigious university back to its glory days of being dominant before I was even born and still being shot into napkins.

notre dame

Onto the Clemson Tigers, who are battling with Alabama to see who can dominate the easiest schedules. Watch out though Clemson has tough games against Duke (no we’re not talking about basketball) and at Boston College. Hopefully, by then they will actually know who their starting quarterback is. The U is back! They’ve beaten the shit out of Savannah State and Toledo after being embarrassed by LSU week 1. Crazy enough, Virginia Tech has been the only team that has had me impressed from the lackluster ACC. My crazy prediction is that Clemson either loses to a weaker opponent or gets beat by Virginia Tech in the ACC Championship, probably won’t happen, but a man can dream. I really don’t have much on this conference because well seeing how great Willie Taggart is doing at Florida State, this is a two-team conference.

clemson

Here’s my statement about the PAC 12, they’re like that one friend your mom makes you invite to your birthday party that you don’t really want there and don’t talk to, but you were obligated to invite them in order to be fair to your mom for throwing you the party. Stanford wins the PAC 12, but no one will know unless you live on the West Coast since the games start at 10:30-11:00 PM and by then everyone is either passed out drunk or at least making a sad attempt to get laid at the bar while wearing their favorite visor and jersey on.

bryce love

Truthfully, I want four or more teams to go undefeated to really ruffle the feathers of the committee and almost force the committee to add more teams to the playoffs after the contract expires in 2026. I thought it was until 2020, but I guess I was just hoping that it expired sooner due to all the controversies we deal with each year. My way too early predictions for this year’s playoff are 1) Alabama, 2) Ohio State, 3) Oklahoma, and 4) Clemson (barring easy ass schedule). I think Bama and the Bucks are on a collision course to play against each other and dear god does college football need that. Nick Saban and Urban Meyer, Tua and Haskins, the South vs. the North, SEC vs. BIG Ten. I think I just popped a chub just thinking about it. See you guys when I am completely wrong and this whole entire post is demolished because some school in the BIG Ten beats Ohio State by 30, Alabama gets beat by LSU, Oklahoma gets outgunned by TCU, WVU, or Oklahoma State, Clemson turns it up and beats the hell out of everyone, and Notre Dame gets through their next three weeks and beats all their cupcakes.

P.S.

Please schedule better non-conference games in the upcoming years and get rid of the AP Poll.

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