Jordan Matthews Says He’s Now A Father Because in Buffalo There Was Nothing to do But Have Sex

Interesting comment today by newly signed Eagles wideout Jordan Matthews when he told local reporters the reason he is now the father of a newborn child is because in Buffalo “there wasn’t anything to do but each other”.

Well I’ve never had the pleasure or displeasure of visiting the great city of Buffalo, NY but from the way Jordan Matthews describes the place it sounds like a grand ol’ time. Sure you have to deal with about 47 feet of snow every year, and the city’s inhabitants basically hibernate away for the entire winter, but if sex is included in that, it really can’t be all that bad. I think where Jordan Matthews messed up is that he didn’t account for the necessary amount of condoms he needed to grab from his local 7/11 inbetween snowstorms. It’s a classic rookie mistake for someone moving to an antarctic climate like Buffalo, but hey we live and we learn.  Thank god the Patriots let his ass go, I’m from New England and let me tell you Foxborough, MA isn’t exactly what you would call an “exciting city”. If he had lasted the whole season there he would probably need to upgrade from a SUV to a stretch minivan to drive around the little football team he would have conceived.

Now this isn’t the first time we have heard of players complain of their being no “night life” in Buffalo and I tend to disagree, I mean duh, have you ever heard of “Buffalo Wild Wings”? The key world is “Wild” because everyone knows their wings are fucking disgusting. But their Buffalo location must get lit on a Saturday night considering its the city it was named after.

Or how about this place? It’s their famous dive bar “Checker’s.” You can’t tell me that this sausage fest doesn’t get poppin on the weekends.  I’m sure they have some bangin buffalo wings at this spot at the very least.

buffalo bar.jpg

Anyways I’m happy for Jordan Matthews and congratulate him on his newborn child. I’m even more happy for his wife though, she will no longer have to worry about standing up straight in the morning because Jordan can’t find anything else to occupy his time other than that booty. I hope for her sake he partakes in all the fun and terrific things that city of brotherly love, Philadelphia has to offer (kinda kidding, sorry Philly.)

And Btw, the great people of Buffalo NY would tend to disagree that there’s nothing to do. They seem to always enjoy themselves.

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