Emergency Weekly Florida Man Story: Florida Man Gets Naked and Attempts to Fight Everyone at Local Chick-Fil-A

So I know I just published our first of a weekly post regarding the elusive “Florida Man” just two days ago, but sometimes a story is so good you HAVE to cover it. Plus this man as you’ll read was attempting to start a naked bare-knuckle boxing club so it’s still sports related. 

WJXT NEWS

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. – A Florida man was arrested after he challenged others to fight and to stare at his genitals outside a Chick-Fil-A restaurant.

Cory Michael Hatzl, 30, was naked when he was spotted early Monday morning in the parking lot of the fast food chicken location, WJXT reports.

One woman said her boyfriend called and said he was being chased by a man while riding his bike, challenging him to fight. 

According to the woman, Hatzl stripped naked and yelled at those passing by to stare at his private parts.

“I observed multiple vehicles drive by while (the man) was nude and yelling ‘look at my (expletive),” a deputy noted in the report.

Hatzl was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and resisting officers without violence.

Ohhhh Florida Man, how you never let us down…. Listen I never experienced Chick-fil-A until I moved to Florida and let me just tell you, they serve one hell of a fried chicken delight. Whether it be in the form or sandwich, nuggets or tenders it is absolutely delicious and can make you crave it day after day. I mean for the first 6 months after I tried it I was going there like 3-4 days a week, always getting my go to meal, the Spicy Chicken Sandwich Deluxe, w/ Ex pickles and “yes I want Cheddar jack cheese bitch”. Every time I go to their location near my work it’s a goddamn zoo.  You would think this well publicized Christian owned restaurant was serving free passes to meet Jesus with the way people flock there.

But again their chicken is delicious and is always worth the wait, and is why I can empathize with the reaction that Mr. Cory Hatzl had if someone was trying to mess with his daily serving of bread batter and chicken. I’m almost positive that it’s an unwritten rule that if you fuck with someone’s chick-fil-a then they automatically have to fight you naked. Or I’m sure that Cory was just strolling in for his morning chicken on a biscuit and forgot to wear his pants that morning. NBD that happens, especially in Florida when the humidity level is equal to the percentage that you will procure swamp ass that day. Typically hovering at around 110%. And as for the fact that he was “challenging people to stare at his genitals”. I’m sure that Cory was looking out for those people who forgot to wear their sunglasses that morning, and technically staring at his genitals was a safer alternative than the amount of radiation their eyes would endure if they had looked up at the Sun. I mean especially so at this time of year when the Sun is at a closer distance to Florida than Cuba is. He’s just a man trying to keep others safe. Not a criminal.

Maybe he was also just trying to start a naked fight club like I stated at the top, I mean maybe if all the crazy Florida Men that we read about in the news were fighting naked at your local Chick-fil-A location it might keep them outta trouble. I mean about 95 percent of these articles about the Florida man include him already being naked anyways. It’s just an idea and might even put this weekly article out of business if they had a place to gather and do Florida Man stuff together. Chik-fil-A might not like it for obvious reasons but hey it’s just a thought. I’m just out here trying to keep crime rates down like the Bruce Wayne of the blog life. Anyways see y’all for next weeks update on the elusive “Florida Man”  Also don’t do drugs. 

 

 

 

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